:: Choosing Civility :: Author Dr. P.M. Forni
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Choosing
Civility; The
Twenty-Five
Rules of
Civility
author: Dr.
P.M. Forni
Civility; The
Twenty-Five
Rules of
Civility
author: Dr.
P.M. Forni
Dr. P.M. Forni, a professor at Johns Hopkins
University, co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility
Project in 1997. An aggregation of academic and
community outreach activities, the JHCP aimed at
assessing the significance of civility, manners and
politeness in contemporary society. The JHCP has been
reconstituted as The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins,
which Dr. Forni now directs. This Web site is designed
to introduce Dr. Forni's work on civility and to offer links
to related material.
University, co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility
Project in 1997. An aggregation of academic and
community outreach activities, the JHCP aimed at
assessing the significance of civility, manners and
politeness in contemporary society. The JHCP has been
reconstituted as The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins,
which Dr. Forni now directs. This Web site is designed
to introduce Dr. Forni's work on civility and to offer links
to related material.
1. Pay Attention
“A human moment occurs anytime two or more people are together, paying
attention to one another” - E. M. Hallowell
2. Acknowledge Others
“Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those
that are present.” - George Washington
3. Think the Best
“We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing
to give the advantage of a good.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. Listen
“Much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple but unhappy
fact; we don't really listen to each other.” - Michael P. Nichols
5. Be Inclusive
“It takes a variety of people to challenge us, encourage us, promote us and most
of all, help us achieve a broader dimension of ourselves.” - Glenn Van Ekeren
6. Speak Kindly
“A kind word is like a spring day.” - Russian Proverb
7. Don't Speak ILL
“Nobody ever gossips about other people's secret virtues.” - Bertrand Russell
8. Accept and Give Praise
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” - Mark Twain
9. Respect Even a Subtle “No”
“Acceptance is the truest kinship with humanity.” - Gilbert Keith Chesterton
10. Respect Others' Opinions
“If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, and only one person were of
contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one
person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” -
John Stuart Mill
11. Mind Your Body
“The idea is to attract, not repel.” - Peggy and Peter Post
12. Be Agreeable
“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking
them a great deal.” - Jane Austen
13. Keep It Down (and Rediscover Silence)
“My right to swing my fist ends at your nose. My right to make noise ought to end
at your ear.” - Les Blomberg
14. Respect Other People's Time
“We respect other people's time when we learn to value it as much as our own.”
- Dr. P.M. Forni
15. Respect Other People's Space
“One of the most elementary ways of being considerate is by respecting
personal space. Codes of personal space vary from culture to culture. For
Southern Europeans, Latin Americans, and Arabs, for instance, sitting, standing,
and walking only a few inches from one another is seldom a problem. Northern
Europeans and many North Americans, however, need more personal space to
feel at ease.” - Dr. P.M. Forni
16. Apologize Earnestly
“Apologizing implies that you are aware of the feelings of another and can
empathize sufficiently to regret having injured that person.” Daniel Jankelovich
17. Assert Yourself
“A good reason for not asserting yourself is, of course, that you think your are not
worth the effort.” - Gael Lindenfield
18. Avoid Personal Questions
“Most of us have parts of our lives that we want to shelter from casual
disclosure. Thus privacy-probing questions can unsettle, embarrass, and
sometimes even anger us. How are we to respond to intrusive questions?
#Civility of course.” Dr. P.M. Forni
19. Care For Your Guest
“You ought to make welcome the present guest, and send forth the one who
wishes to go.” - Homer
20. Be a Considerate Guest
“Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone.” - William
Shakespeare
21. Think Twice Before Asking for Favors
“Don't ask for favors too casually or too often - recognize the amount of effort
you're requesting. If possible, accomplish your task in some other way ..... be
clearly grateful for a favor done. Give full credit.” Jane Gallant
22. Refrain From Idle Complaints
“Don't curse the darkness - Light a candle.” - Chinese Proverb
23. Accept and Give Constructive Criticism
“I hate judgments that only crush and don't transform.” - Elias Canetti
24. Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals
“We do not inherent the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our
children.” - Native American saying
25. Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame
“We are all familiar with the drill: Somebody at fault will try to minimize his or her
responsibility by blaming someone else - quite often the wronged party. Thus
the man characteristics of this exercise in rudeness is puzzlement and
unfairness.” - Dr. P.M. Forni
From Dr. Forni's forward: "The message here is not that a flawlessly civil
person but that civility is a wonderfully effective tool to enhance the quality of our
lives." "I remain a flawed messenger bearing a good message."
“A human moment occurs anytime two or more people are together, paying
attention to one another” - E. M. Hallowell
2. Acknowledge Others
“Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those
that are present.” - George Washington
3. Think the Best
“We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing
to give the advantage of a good.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. Listen
“Much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple but unhappy
fact; we don't really listen to each other.” - Michael P. Nichols
5. Be Inclusive
“It takes a variety of people to challenge us, encourage us, promote us and most
of all, help us achieve a broader dimension of ourselves.” - Glenn Van Ekeren
6. Speak Kindly
“A kind word is like a spring day.” - Russian Proverb
7. Don't Speak ILL
“Nobody ever gossips about other people's secret virtues.” - Bertrand Russell
8. Accept and Give Praise
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” - Mark Twain
9. Respect Even a Subtle “No”
“Acceptance is the truest kinship with humanity.” - Gilbert Keith Chesterton
10. Respect Others' Opinions
“If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, and only one person were of
contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one
person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” -
John Stuart Mill
11. Mind Your Body
“The idea is to attract, not repel.” - Peggy and Peter Post
12. Be Agreeable
“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking
them a great deal.” - Jane Austen
13. Keep It Down (and Rediscover Silence)
“My right to swing my fist ends at your nose. My right to make noise ought to end
at your ear.” - Les Blomberg
14. Respect Other People's Time
“We respect other people's time when we learn to value it as much as our own.”
- Dr. P.M. Forni
15. Respect Other People's Space
“One of the most elementary ways of being considerate is by respecting
personal space. Codes of personal space vary from culture to culture. For
Southern Europeans, Latin Americans, and Arabs, for instance, sitting, standing,
and walking only a few inches from one another is seldom a problem. Northern
Europeans and many North Americans, however, need more personal space to
feel at ease.” - Dr. P.M. Forni
16. Apologize Earnestly
“Apologizing implies that you are aware of the feelings of another and can
empathize sufficiently to regret having injured that person.” Daniel Jankelovich
17. Assert Yourself
“A good reason for not asserting yourself is, of course, that you think your are not
worth the effort.” - Gael Lindenfield
18. Avoid Personal Questions
“Most of us have parts of our lives that we want to shelter from casual
disclosure. Thus privacy-probing questions can unsettle, embarrass, and
sometimes even anger us. How are we to respond to intrusive questions?
#Civility of course.” Dr. P.M. Forni
19. Care For Your Guest
“You ought to make welcome the present guest, and send forth the one who
wishes to go.” - Homer
20. Be a Considerate Guest
“Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone.” - William
Shakespeare
21. Think Twice Before Asking for Favors
“Don't ask for favors too casually or too often - recognize the amount of effort
you're requesting. If possible, accomplish your task in some other way ..... be
clearly grateful for a favor done. Give full credit.” Jane Gallant
22. Refrain From Idle Complaints
“Don't curse the darkness - Light a candle.” - Chinese Proverb
23. Accept and Give Constructive Criticism
“I hate judgments that only crush and don't transform.” - Elias Canetti
24. Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals
“We do not inherent the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our
children.” - Native American saying
25. Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame
“We are all familiar with the drill: Somebody at fault will try to minimize his or her
responsibility by blaming someone else - quite often the wronged party. Thus
the man characteristics of this exercise in rudeness is puzzlement and
unfairness.” - Dr. P.M. Forni
From Dr. Forni's forward: "The message here is not that a flawlessly civil
person but that civility is a wonderfully effective tool to enhance the quality of our
lives." "I remain a flawed messenger bearing a good message."
June 2009, mojo2Go
spoke with Dr. P.M. Forni
to share with him
mojo2Go's vision, of
which he was quite
supportive. He especially
liked the idea of
promoting 'Civility as
Cool'. During our
conversation, it was
asked if we could use
some of the book's
content without copyright
infringement. His
response was most
gracious so here you go.
- jP
spoke with Dr. P.M. Forni
to share with him
mojo2Go's vision, of
which he was quite
supportive. He especially
liked the idea of
promoting 'Civility as
Cool'. During our
conversation, it was
asked if we could use
some of the book's
content without copyright
infringement. His
response was most
gracious so here you go.
- jP
The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct
The Civility
Solutio;
What to do
When
People are
Rude
author: Dr.
P.M. Forni
Solutio;
What to do
When
People are
Rude
author: Dr.
P.M. Forni
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